as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My ATM looks so different sober.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
