I skipped work to stalk him.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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