i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
