dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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