I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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