I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
