Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
BRING THE BAGELS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
