Pants 0. Shit 1.
Too much gin, very little bucket
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
