I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
