I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We had to coat check the pizza.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
