I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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