i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
