I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
