my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
