I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
