I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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