Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
