So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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