Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
