I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
