I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
