M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize