i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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