Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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