finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
