oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
