Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Randomize
