glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
