he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
