she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
