O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
