I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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