I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My ass is underappreciated
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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