I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he just fucked me for my cheese.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
