even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
