my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
