It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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