I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My life is pants optional.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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