your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
