i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
