Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize