Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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