i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
