She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
