i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
