Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
