Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
