We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
