Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
