i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
