I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just had sex bonerless
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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