I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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