Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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