it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
