Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
