she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
