my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
