why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
