Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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