We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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