There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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