Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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