well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just want to make out with him forever
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
