pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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