You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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