youre lurking in front of me
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
