really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize