He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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