i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I FOUND THE LEGS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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