There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
