Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize