I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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