I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
handjob tips. give me some.
where are you?
Hypothermia
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
